Dr. Henry Cloud on Dealing with People

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On Friday mornings the Oklahoma State CRU staff team gathers for our second staff meeting of the week. We recently listened to a talk by Dr. Henry Cloud on “How to Deal With People”. Here are some valuable insights:

  1. Relationships are the number one factor in determining if someone is successful or not. Imagine a ski boat driving down a lake. Ski boats leave a two sided wake in the water behind them. Leaders do as well. The difference is that a leader leaves a wake of results on one side and relationship on the other. If we do not live a relational lifestyle we operate out of balance and will not succeed.
  2. Trust is the key factor in any successful relationship. Trust fuels investment of any kind. Here are factors that contribute to trust.
  • People connect to you because you understand them. “You don’t understand someone until they understand that you understand them.” Establish a reliable track record of trust with others because people trust based off of what they experience.
  • Have a positive emotional tone. In your brain, when your emotional sensors get triggered your higher, more analytical brain shuts down and your reactive brain kicks in. This reactive brain is the same thing that gives us the fight or flight mechanism. Toxic emotional environments trigger the reactive brain. A key concept to remember is, “Be hard on the issues and easy on the person.”
  • Give people freedom. Freedom comes from serving a person and being willing to work alongside of them. The opposite of freedom is control. So often as leaders we want to control people. Give the people you lead a role, the resources they need and clear objectives.
  • Relationship is the fuel for life. When people live in isolation, the life literally is taken out of them. Living in healthy, trusting relationship is a key to experiencing life.
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